Uncertainty

For the  most part I have experienced a remarkable amount of peace this week even in the midst of no energy.  Last night attacks were made against that peace.  The EXTREME lack of energy is new.  I am always tired, but I feel as if someone has sucked all of the energy out of me.  Last night my mind  began dwelling on the "What If's."  I became so anxiety stricken over a procedure I will soon have.  I became extremely sad thinking about those I love who are hurting.  I lost sight of the purpose in suffering.  I want healing for those I love.  Selfishly I want physical healing for myself.  I wept for a moment and then my husband and I prayed.

We prayed God would direct our paths on this journey.  It is a journey of uncertainty, because we have no idea what the outcome will be.   I know the procedure will leave me in pain for a short time.  I know the doctor is not certain he can open my tubes.  I know a lot of negative things, but I don't know what God is going to allow.  It is clear to me at this moment the Father is asking me to trust Him.  Anyone who knows me, knows I have difficulties trusting.  

I read these lyrics this morning on a dear friend's blog and at this very moment these words are what I needed to read.  Laurie always has such words of wisdom.  God gives her a word and she is obedient to speak that words to others.   

Worth It All – by Rita Springer

I don’t understand Your ways
Oh but I will give You my song
I’ll give You all of my praise
You hold on to all my pain
And with it You are pulling me closer
And pulling me into Your ways

Now around ev’ry corner
And up ev’ry mountain
I’m not looking for crowns
Or the water from fountains
I’m desp’rate in seeking
Frantic believing
That the sight of Your face
Is all that I’m needing
I will say to You
It’s gonna be worth it
It’s gonna be worth it
It’s gonna be worth it all
I believe this
It’s gonna be worth it
It’s gonna be worth it

It’s gonna be worth it all 

Father,

I thank You for friends who are obedient to Your will.  I want to believe these words written by Rita Springer.  You hold on to all my pain and with it You are pulling me closer and it will be worth it.  I want the pain my friends and family are going through to be worth it.  I want the pain my husband and I are going through to be worth it.  It will be worth it, if it draws us and others closer to You.  It is hard to see good in the midst of so much pain.  Our minds or finite and are not made to understand all of Your ways. As I read Mathew 27:46 this morning my heart ached for Jesus.  Thinking of Him hanging on the cross, crying out to You, and seemingly with no answer.  Then You spoke and the veil was torn, many began to believe Jesus was the Son.  The years He suffered and the painful crucifixion was not to go in vain.  Thank You for the ultimate sacrifice. Let us not lose sight at what was done on the cross.  Jesus, Jesus, the sweetest name I know.

Psalm 37:23 New Living Translation (NLT)
The LORD directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the LORD holds them by the hand.