Ephesians 3:16-18

I pray that from His glorious, unlimited resources He will empower you with inner strength through His Spirit. Then Christ will make His home in your
hearts as you trust in Him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is (Ephesians 3:16-18).

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

What's Been Going On...

Here is what's been happening in my life the past 19 weeks.  I threw up every day, almost all day, for 16 weeks and haven't slept well in 19 weeks. Last night I got a total of 3 1/2 hours of sleep!  For the most part I have lived off of cereal.  I wish I would have taken a picture of all the boxes we had at one time.  It was kind of hilarious, since they could not all fit in our pantry we kept them out on the counter.  My house has been a wreck, but the good thing is I have learned it's ok if it's not perfect. I still wanted people over, but they had to deal with the unclean house. Guess what?  They didn't mind, because they loved me and just wanted to make sure I was ok.

On March 29, I felt the Holy Spirit literally telling me to take a pregnancy test.  I said out loud, "Lord I don't want to take another negative test."  He was persistent and I sent my hubs to pick up the test that was POSITIVE!  That story can be read by clicking here.

On March 30, a blood test confirmed I was pregnant, an ultra sound was done and no baby was seen!  Scary, but a lesson was learned and I knew God was good no matter what. I said it and meant it.  He had me in a place where I knew He was with us no matter what!  See trusting our heavenly Father.

On April 2 my levels had quadrupled, meaning the pregnancy was progressing.  We waited until April 9 to have another sonogram. We held our breath a little lot as the ultra sound tech searched for the baby again.  With a huge smile she showed us this picture:

On March 31 we got to hear the heart beat and it was such a sweet sound to our ears, especially since I am a WORRIER! You can hear the Doctor say in the video, "I hope this reassures you."

We didn't get to see our baby again until the day we found out the gender.  Believe me when I say, I just wanted to see the baby at this point.  Gender did not matter, as much as knowing the baby was developing.  I've had to take Zofran for a long time and it has made me feel guilty, but I can't hold down proper nutrition without out it, so seeing this ultrasound helped with some of the guilt.

We found out the baby was a girl on June 28.  I blogged about the gender reveal party, in a previous entry.  I cannot explain the emotions that we felt as we watched our baby kick and move.  When her mouth opened and closed on that screen, I fell in love even more.  Each time a new milestone is met, I feel my husband and I fall more in love with this child.

A lot has happened in 19 weeks!  Accusing thoughts began to fill my mind once again, but thankfully a friend redirected me.  What would I do without you, Lauren? Sleepless nights have consumed my life and my mind, usually fills up with more and more worry with each waking moment.  I'm not giving in and I'm not giving up on my walk with our Creator.  The devil is attacking me from every direction trying to steal the joy of a miracle God has given us.  I am thankful for this tiny baby and huge miracle, but thats not why I love the Lord.  It's not because what He does or does not do for me, but what He did for all of us.  He created us, we rebelled, He gave His one and only Son, so that we, who  are not worthy, could have a chance at eternal life.  I have forgotten and do forget on a daily basis that this is not our permanent home.  Some days just stink!  Things that happen and make me sick like babies, children, and teenagers/young adults dying before we think it is their time. I have consumed myself with thoughts such as these lately, but God does know what He is doing. Why is this so hard for me to accept?  Oh my trust issues!

Thank You for each mile stone and I pray as our love for this child deepens, so will our love for You.  We really do want to love You more each day and trust You.  I pray against accusing thoughts and thoughts that make us question Your goodness.  Thank You for a chance at eternal life. In Jesus name I pray, amen.


Emily grapes said...

because you're human and weak. Just as we all are! I could say stop beating yourself up so badly over things, but i know its easier said than done.

Know I'm always praying for you and I have all the confidence with my 'compliment rules' you'll have more confidence in know time with yourself!! hehe
Emily at Amazing Grapes

The Granberrys said...

Congratulations on your little miracle! I pray you will start to feel relief from the exhaustion and nausea.

The Poole Family said...

I love the recaps!!!! I'm falling more and more in love with Ms. Landry, too!!!! Ahhhhhh, I can't wait til she arrives!!!!!! And just in time for Christmas!!! :)))