Uniquely made

Prior to breakfast this morning I prayed and asked God, "If this depression is spiritual will you forgive me and set me free?" He replied using Sarah Young's devotional, "Jesus Calling." The insert for February 29 stated,"You ARE ON THE RIGHT PATH.  Listen more to Me, and less to your doubts.  I am leading you along the way I designed just for you.  Therefore, it is a lonely way, humanly speaking.  But I go before you as well as alongside of you, so you are NEVER ALONE.  Do not expect anyone to understand fully My ways with you, any more than you can comprehend My dealings with others.  I am revealing to you the path of Life day by day, and moment by moment.  As I said to My disciple Peter, so I repeat to you: Follow me.  

He also revealed to me that I am constantly condemning myself.  It is not my place to condemn anyone, including myself.  I have condemned self as long as I can remember.  When I was young I blamed myself for things a child cannot cause.  I would say to myself, "I just wasn't good enough! If I were better things would have worked out for them!  It was my fault!"  As I became older I compared myself to models and movie stars. I heard lies such as, "You will never look like that and he can't really love you because you don't compare to the women you read about in the magazines!" I have long stopped believing those lies.  I didn't cause parents to divorce and out of that divorce came some AMAZING siblings.  I have a relationship with my mother and father that I am thankful for. Family members who have been crucial in my walk with the Lord have entered in the form of "step," which is what they have been to me.  Stepping stones to a closer relationship to my Heavenly Father. God restored what Satan intended for bad.  I know I will never be airbrushed and that's okay with me.  My husband loves me in spite of myself.  Lately the condemnation is brought about by insecurities when I compare myself to others.  This too is a sin. I would be lying if I said I knew what my spiritual gifts were or what talents I posses.  I still look in the mirror and see a woman who lacks the ability to do many things. In the book "Land mines in the Path of a Believer," written by Charles Stanely he states, "You may think, I can't do anything well, but from God's perspective, you are a person of notable excellence."  

Truth is being revealed to me, but I am not sure when I will fully BELIEVE truths about myself.  I see such good in others so why is it difficult to see good in myself?  INSECURITY!  It is an awful land mine, but not one that is unable to be disarmed.  I haven't disarmed it, but I am hoping too.  "For God did not send His Son into the world that He might condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through Him" (John 3:17).  We are fearfully and wonderfully made! I may see myself as nothing, but he sees me as "Radiant in His robe of righteousness." 

Father,

I thank you for just being You.  Others have told me all of my life that I am too hard on myself, but today You revealed I condemn myself.  That is a sin so I pray for forgiveness. Your son did not come to condemn the world, therefore why do I have the right?  I don't!  You created me and only You are allowed to judge.  I don't know how to stop judging myself because it has been a habit for a while. I think I have condemned myself my entire life. I have felt inadequate, judged, and low. I didn't see I was the one casting judgement on myself.  Others may cast as well, but I should not care about the judgement of others as long as I am seeking You with my whole heart.  Let me meditate on You and Your word.  Please teach me.  I know there will be days, even this day where I am so tired I don't want to function. I pray You would hold me close always and especially on days when fatigue is extreme and emotion are up and down. I pray You will be glorified.  In Jesus name, in His sweet name I pray!