I didn't know that I would have time to write today due to work and birthday parties! The feelings raging within in me are conflicting. I am thankful for so many things. The Lord truly has blessed me. Today is a day I am extra thankful for. It is my husband's birthday! I love him with all of my heart!
It is a day to be celebrated, but I am feeling weak and weary. At times I am thankful for pain because it drives me closer to the Lord. I do not believe the Lord causes my pain, but He draws me close and holds me while I am in it. I probably should explain this physical pain I often write about. It has been no secret to me that pregnancy would be difficult. Doctors began telling me at a young age my hormones were not quite right, but they did nothing for them. I am sure they had reasons, but I was left in the dark. I had surgery about six months ago for endometriosis and was told all would be well after the surgery. The doctor assured me I would be pain free and a baby would come. Six months later and I am in more pain than before. There is also no baby in sight. This month a doctor found that both of my fallopian tubes are blocked, therefore I will have another laparoscopic procedure in attempts to open the tubes. I also have a knot on my spine that may need removing. I will see a surgeon next week for an evaluation. My work is an hour and fifteen minutes from my house, therefore my back aches more with each minute of the drive. I am thankful for my job. I am able to interact with children and I am not certain that many things surpass the blessing of watching a child who is full of joy. In all this I know I cannot give up! Allowing Satan or my flesh to win should not be an option, however sometimes I feel so weak that I just can't win. I am not crawling in a hole, but I do have that small desire. I am constantly reminded even in the storm my strength comes from the Lord.
Father,
Thank you for the many blessings you have given me. I am laying down my burdens at the feet of Jesus. Thank you for having my best interest at heart. I can't find the strength to stand so please carry me. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.
3 comments:
Wanted you to know that people.definitely CAN comment on your blog!
Also, I strongly relate to your physical and emotional pain regarding endometriosis and fertility issues. I struggled with endo for many years and lost multiple pregnancies due to hormone issues. My heart goes out to you! If you would be interested, I have some information that a blog reader shared with me a couple years ago on one of my posts that REALLY helped me with this and would definitely help you as well. Let me know if you'd like me to share! God bless!
I would love you to share! Thanks!
My heart breaks for you and your pain...and for all that you have been through. I'm so glad that we serve a God who can restore and provide. You and your husband are in my prayers.
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