My Heart

This is my first entry so it will probably be a lot less than perfect. I do hope in time I become a better blogger.  The name chosen for my blog has many different meanings, because I believe the heart is many things.  It is a wonderful creation of the Lord. I love with all my heart and when I laugh it is whole heartedly. I thank God for the many blessings in my life and experience all the fullness of joy in the depths of my heart.  The heart can also be very deceiving.  At times I allow my heart to feel lies that are not of God.  These lies trap me!  They could easily paralyze me.  They become like a disease and my body begins to waste away.  There are days when I don't want to fight.  I can't think of a better time than now to explain how my deceptive heart feels most of the days of my life.  Let me first explain what I mean by deceptive.  Jeremiah 17:9 says, "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure.  Who can understand it?" No one but God can understand the heart. I grow weary of putting on the armor of God that protects me. Satan makes it seem like giving up is the easiest thing to do and I would find comfort if I would just give up.  Thankfully I know many truths and giving up on a relationship with a Heavenly Father is not one of the truths.  Ephesians 6:12 reminds me "our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." I can tell Satan, NO!  I will not give up and even when I am weak my savior is strong.  I may fall for a while, but in the end my King will win! I have been journaling prayers for about a year and hope to share some of those prayers with you.  The Lord allowed me to enter into a pit for a reason.  I believed I was alone and no one understood.  My heart believed I was a burden to others, but the truth is setting me free!  I continue to have days that are dull and many times I ask God, "Why do I endure physical, emotional, and spiritual pain?" I also ask, "Why do so many of us women who desire to be Godly mothers remain childless?" I will not pretend to have any answers, but I do know God is good in all things.  I forgot that truth today.  It seems I often times do forget that God is sovereign and He is good!  I began asking questions and slipping back into the pit.  He didn't allow me to stay long.  I was there for about two hours and he used a letter written by a man I don't know, a blog post written by an amazing woman, and a bible verse to pull me out.  I pray that any of you who are like me and stricken with anxiety, guilt, depression, fear, etc. would come to know peace in the midst of it all.  


ARISE from the depression and prostration in which circumstances have kept you--rise to a new life! Shine (be radiant with the glory of the Lord), for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord has risen upon you! (Isaiah 60:1) 


Hear our cry, Lord, we pray
Our faces down, our hands are raised
You called us out, we turned away
We've turned away

With shipwrecked faith the idols rise
We do what is right in our own eyes
Our children now will pay the price
We need Your light, Lord, shine Your light

If we've ever needed You
Lord, it's now, Lord, it's now
We are desperate for Your hand
We're reaching out, we're reaching out


We need You now
Revive us now
We need You now


(Casting Crowns)