Ephesians 3:16-18

I pray that from His glorious, unlimited resources He will empower you with inner strength through His Spirit. Then Christ will make His home in your
hearts as you trust in Him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is (Ephesians 3:16-18).

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Lack of Desire

Lately I have had very little desire for anything.  It is hard for me to be honest about this lack of desire, but I feel it is necessary.  I haven't wanted to blog or even open a computer for that matter.  For a couple of weeks, it was difficult for me to leave my house.  Cleaning and cooking have been a thing of the past for quiet some time now.  This lack of desire has been much deeper than blogging or not wanting to push myself to get off the couch.  I have felt spiritually dry.  It has been difficult for me to read, pray, and just spend quality time with God.  I did not and do not want to be so dry, but I have felt stuck.  Last Sunday I asked God to spark my desire once again.  On Monday I was finally able to read and the desire seems to be gradually increasing.  My heart has been weary for what seems like an eternity, although in reality it's only been a few weeks. I will continue to pray the Lord leads me out of this dry spell, but until then I am not sure blogging or anything else will be consistent. I know what it feels like to be depressed, but this is different.  I can't even explain it.  I am just tired of never feeling well, but at the same time I am thankful.  I have an Aunt who was recently diagnosed with cancer and just thinking of all she goes through breaks my heart.  She hurts and has to find strength to push through.  In my opinion it is a wicked disease.  My sickness has a blessing in the form of a child at the end, but what does hers have?  I want healing for her and for all who ache.  I read someones Facebook status recently and it said, "I am thankful that this body is only a rental." I am thankful there will be a day with no more pain.   My heart and flesh want to fight and say, "Don't be thankful, but be angry because you are always sick!" I need the Spirit to fight for me, because I don't have the strength to fight for myself.

Please let the Holy Spirit fight for me.  I have grown weary.  I am thankful for all You have done and continue to do. I am sorry that I am so weak.  I am sorry for just wanting to give up.  I feel like such a terrible person for asking You to heal me after all You have done.  I want to enjoy this time, but if You don't grant me healing from this, I will thank You anyway.  Please renew my mind, body, soul, and spirit.  In Jesus name I pray, amen.


Emily grapes said...

I've had these moments and truth to what you're saying, it leaves me so depressed during that time. It can be so hard to get out of it, but once I do, its amazing how restored I feel...though it takes so much time to get myself out of it.

I'll keep praying for you and now your family/aunt. That's never anything I wish on anyone. :(
Emily at Amazing Grapes

Megan said...

We all have these moments, friend. As you know, you are in my prayers DAILY!! And thank you again for today. You are such a blessing in my life.