The Heart Of A Woman

Today has been rough!  It has been more physically rough than anything.  I have been lying in bed most of the morning.  Even as I write this blog post, it is from my bedroom.  I can hear my little girl outside saying, "Ma-ma."  It is a sweet sound.  Thankfully, my husband is able and willing to be mom, dad, and nurse today.  As the day goes on, I am beginning to feel a little better.  

I was trying to sleep earlier and these verses were played out so loudly in my head, I couldn't sleep. I began to think about what this means.  I have heard it many times and been told all that happens is for your good and God's glory more times than I can count.  What?! How is being sick good?  I began to ask God to show me who He really was.  I want to believe He is good all the time.  I say I believe it, and I want to believe it always.  I asked Him to walk with me.  I can read anyone's biography and learn about them, but to really know someone you must walk with them.  Then it clicked!  Though outwardly I am wasting (we all are), inwardly I can feel the work God is doing inside of me and through this momentary affliction.  These momentary troubles are achieving ETERNAL GLORY!  Eternal is defined by Webster's dictionary as:

It. Is. FOREVER!

Sure, we all want health, but there is something more to this life than health, wealth, and things that perish.  They are just that, aren't they?  They are things that perish.  They are here today, gone tomorrow.  Through these light and momentary affliction I am forced to cling to something.  I can choose to cling to the hope of being well again (which I believe will happen), but what if I put all my hope in that thought?  Where does that leave me if health doesn't return?  It leaves me utterly crushed in my spirit.  A crushed spirit is TERRIBLE and PAINFUL!  This applies to believers and non-believers.  I am sure we have all been there.  Placing our hope in things of this world, only to come out on the other end completely crushed when we are let down.

The alternative is placing my trust in God.  Placing my trust on things above, which cannot be seen, but they are things that are eternal.  By placing my trust in God, I must say, no matter what my circumstances bring I will not be crushed in spirit.  If I become more ill or battle with hidden illnesses for the rest of my life, I do not have to become crushed in spirit.  I can allow circumstances to destroy me or they can build me up for the glory of God.  In this moment I am choosing to trust God and thanking Him for the inward renewal He has allowed.  "The inward renewal that far outweighs them all." In this moment, I see how He gets the glory and works things for my good at the same time.  It isn't the perishable things that are for my good, but the things that will stand long after the fire has consumed every thing.     

The human spirit can endure in sickness, but a crushed spirit who can bear? 

(Proverbs 18:14).