Maybe I dreamed it...

As I was looking out of my window and into the woods I could see the rain pouring from the sky.  I felt a tightness in my chest, because I don't enjoy bad weather.  I continued looking out and saw a huge tree with layers of thick branches.  I saw a bottom branch of the tree and noticed it was oblivious to the storm brewing all around.  It seemed to be untouched by the rain.  It paid no attention to the fierce wind blowing around it, because it was protected by many layers of mighty branches.

I feel like I have seen a painting that portrayed a message similar to this before, but I am not 100% sure.  Maybe I dreamed about it.  As I looked at the branch, I could not help but think how amazing it would be to rest in a storm.  I am in a mini storm right now.  I was diagnosed with a bacterial infection that I know little about.  Some people claim it is serious and some say it isn't too bad.  All I know for sure is I have felt horrible, but I am hoping it is because the medicine I am taking.  The first day of being diagnosed,  I was told I had to stop nursing.  I called the pediatric nurse, and she told me it would be fine to continue.  My baby is almost one year and I thank the good Lord I have had adequate milk for so long.  Then, I met a woman who suffered with a severe case of this bacteria.  She has encouraged me to wean my baby, because my body is being depleted of nutrients as it battles against this stubborn bacteria in my gut.  I have been praying for quiet some time, that I would trust the Lord more.  When I found out about this stubborn bacteria that is resistant to a lot of antibiotics, I felt as if I would crumble.  It was and is another weird thing that my body will endure.  First it was the interstitial cystitis, then the endometriosis, and other strange invisible illnesses,  and now this.   When I found out it can be contagious I did crumble.  Thankfully, with precautions it can be kept from my family.  I immediately felt guilt for not trusting God in this.  If I am being honest soaking my hands in bleach will not be the ultimate protector of my family, but God will.  This is not fun.  I don't wish it on anyone.  I just pray, God will be glorified through it all.  I want to pray for healing, but it almost feels selfish.  More than anything, I want to be like that branch I saw in my back yard.  Calm, even in the midst of the storm!  I'm not there yet, because fears creep up and I begin to think this round of antibiotics will not kill the bacteria.  I think, "What if my family or someone else gets this?"  Then I think, if the antibiotic doesn't work, the world will keep going and God can still use this for His glory.  That still, small voice continues to say, "Rest, rest, rest!"  I want to listen until that small voice is audible and my fears are washed away. After the storm, when the sun comes out, I hope to be like that little branch, untouched by the storms of this life, and trusting in the God of this universe.