Ephesians 3:16-18

I pray that from His glorious, unlimited resources He will empower you with inner strength through His Spirit. Then Christ will make His home in your
hearts as you trust in Him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is (Ephesians 3:16-18).

Saturday, November 2, 2013

Maybe I dreamed it...

As I was looking out of my window and into the woods I could see the rain pouring from the sky.  I felt a tightness in my chest, because I don't enjoy bad weather.  I continued looking out and saw a huge tree with layers of thick branches.  I saw a bottom branch of the tree and noticed it was oblivious to the storm brewing all around.  It seemed to be untouched by the rain.  It paid no attention to the fierce wind blowing around it, because it was protected by many layers of mighty branches.

I feel like I have seen a painting that portrayed a message similar to this before, but I am not 100% sure.  Maybe I dreamed about it.  As I looked at the branch, I could not help but think how amazing it would be to rest in a storm.  I am in a mini storm right now.  I was diagnosed with a bacterial infection that I know little about.  Some people claim it is serious and some say it isn't too bad.  All I know for sure is I have felt horrible, but I am hoping it is because the medicine I am taking.  The first day of being diagnosed,  I was told I had to stop nursing.  I called the pediatric nurse, and she told me it would be fine to continue.  My baby is almost one year and I thank the good Lord I have had adequate milk for so long.  Then, I met a woman who suffered with a severe case of this bacteria.  She has encouraged me to wean my baby, because my body is being depleted of nutrients as it battles against this stubborn bacteria in my gut.  I have been praying for quiet some time, that I would trust the Lord more.  When I found out about this stubborn bacteria that is resistant to a lot of antibiotics, I felt as if I would crumble.  It was and is another weird thing that my body will endure.  First it was the interstitial cystitis, then the endometriosis, and other strange invisible illnesses,  and now this.   When I found out it can be contagious I did crumble.  Thankfully, with precautions it can be kept from my family.  I immediately felt guilt for not trusting God in this.  If I am being honest soaking my hands in bleach will not be the ultimate protector of my family, but God will.  This is not fun.  I don't wish it on anyone.  I just pray, God will be glorified through it all.  I want to pray for healing, but it almost feels selfish.  More than anything, I want to be like that branch I saw in my back yard.  Calm, even in the midst of the storm!  I'm not there yet, because fears creep up and I begin to think this round of antibiotics will not kill the bacteria.  I think, "What if my family or someone else gets this?"  Then I think, if the antibiotic doesn't work, the world will keep going and God can still use this for His glory.  That still, small voice continues to say, "Rest, rest, rest!"  I want to listen until that small voice is audible and my fears are washed away. After the storm, when the sun comes out, I hope to be like that little branch, untouched by the storms of this life, and trusting in the God of this universe.     

2 comments:

The Granberrys said...

I am so sorry. I don't know what kind of bacteria you're fighting, but I do know when I had a bacterial infection two summers ago, I was MISERABLE! It is just terrible to feel so bad...and to not be able to be with your little girl. Praying for you as your body fights to heal!

Rach @ This Italian Family said...

Wow. Just wow. Casey, I know you feel like you are struggling with this so much, but I love your attitude here. It amazes me that you are striving to be calm and trust in God when it feels like life is in upheaval around you. I love your analogy here. I am praying for you, sweet friend!