The Heart Of A Woman

One of the most difficult challenges I have faced thus far in  parenting, is not being able to soothe my baby's hurts. Seeing her cry out and knowing she is in some form of pain twist at my heart.  I don't want her to hurt, but I know I can't stop it.  It is part of life.  Part of a fallen world.  I began thinking yesterday, maybe this is a small fragment of how God feels when we hurt.  He doesn't want us to hurt, but it is part of the fallen world.  The main difference and most glorious difference is that one day He will stop all of our pain and suffering.

I remember many of my friends saying once Landry was born I would see God with new lenses.  This is true on many levels.  I see we are exactly like children and I can say for myself, in many ways I am just an infant.  Landry trusts us to hold her and care for her.  She could not survive if it were not for us caring for her.  In my life I have found the only one who can care for me and who I trust to hold me is God. When I am in the middle of a spiritual battle no one else will do.  No one else can get me through a spiritual battle and no one else can fight for me like He can and does.

In three short months I can already say, this is the MOST DIFFICULT job I have ever been given, but it is also the most rewarding.  I know there will be days that are harder than others and we will have so many learning experiences on our journey.  I pray I learn more about God through each experience.  Today she was in so much pain (probably gas pains), but pain no less.  As I held her trying to calm her, I thought my heart might break.  I'm also not feeling well so I thought, "AHHHHH!!!! I CAN'T DO THIS TODAY!" Then just as quickly as she began to cry, she stopped, looked up at me, and smiled.  My heart did not break, but it did melt a little.  I am not perfect and have made so many mistakes already, yet she looks at me as if I were the most wonderful creation ever.  I am so far from it!  I get angry and irritated at the drop of a hat, but at this moment she just sees someone who takes care of her.  How much more should I look at God in admiration?  He is perfect and has patience that outweighs anything we can imagine.  How many times a day, an hour, a minute, a second do I take God for granted? I should look at our Creator and marvel at how He cares for me, but do I?  I wish I could say, yes, every day all day, but I cannot.  Oh the things I am learning from a baby.

The day we brought our little angel home from the hospital!