Mercy

Lately, I have been more aware that we are truly at the mercy of God.  I have known this fact for a long time, but recently it has been extremely clear to me.  I control nothing in this life. We as humans control nothing.  It is difficult for someone like me, a complete control freak, to let go and let God. If I choose not to let go, then my life will be filled with fear, anxiety, and I will miss out on enjoying every blessing the Lord chooses to give.

This is a beautiful video and worth watching! 

Father,

I am thankful that this life is in Your hands and not mine.  I deserve death, but You have chosen to give me life by sending Jesus.  This life is filled with uncertainties, but Your love for Your children is something I am sure of.  You have already given the ULTIMATE GIFT!  In Christ alone my hope is found.  He is my light, my strength, my song. This Cornerstone, this solid ground. Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.  In Christ alone, who took on flesh Fullness of God in helpless Babe

This gift of love and righteousness. Scorned by the ones He came to save. Til on that cross as Jesus diedThe wrath of God was satisfied. For every sin on Him was laid. Here in the death of Christ I live.There in the ground His body lay. Light of the world by darkness slain

Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again

And as He stands in victory

Sin's curse has lost its grip on me

For I am His and He is mine

Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death. This is the power of Christ in me. From a life's first cry to final breathJesus commands my destiny. No power of hell, no scheme of man Could ever pluck me from His handTil He returns or calls me home. Here in the power of Christ I stand. I will stand, I will stand. All other ground is sinking sand. All other ground, all other ground. Is sinking sand, is sinking sand. So I stand! 

Inconsistent Blogging

I have not been a consistent blogger lately.  I have been the best kind of sick in the world, so blogging has been difficult!  I say the best kind of sick, because I can't imagine another sickness that could make me smile.  No, I do not smile at the times I am so nauseated I can't pick my head up or worse, but knowing there is a baby growing inside me just makes me smile.  My husband has been the greatest care taker in the world.  One night he woke up each hour with me.

He was serious about the "in sickness" and "in health" part of our vows! 

Every time I think of the miracle that is taking place, I am overwhelmed.  We did nothing to deserve this and we are not worthy of this blessing.  My prayer is that we will always praise the Giver and place Him first in our lives.  I pray we will continue to become more intimate with our Creator.  I hope each day brings us closer to Him.

1 chronicles 29 11-13

The Hubs and I have been on vacation and we had no internet  connection, therefore blogging was impossible.  Once we came home I began feeling extremely sick.  I haven't felt well this whole week, but decided it was time to fight through the nausea and post.

Hoover Dam! This is the only picture taken of us together that was clear.   

This is one time in my life where I will say the nausea, dizziness, fatigue, etc. are things I am thankful for.  The sound of food makes me gag, but I am trying my hardest to eat.  I usually LOVE to eat, therefore not desiring food is new for me.  All the sickness is worth it, because we saw a precious little heart beat on Monday!

In one week our baby grew so much!  I hope I will always remember this experience.  The woman doing the ultrasound would giggle each time she saw something!  It made me laugh to see her so excited!  At the exact time she said, "I see a heartbeat" the song "To God Alone" by Aaron Shust was playing.  To God alone be the glory!  He can move mountains and He does every day!

"It does not belong to us, Lord. The glory belongs to You because of Your love and loyalty. Why do the nations ask, "Where is their God?" Our God is in heaven. He does what he pleases.  Their idols are made of silver and gold, the work of human hands. They have mouths, but they cannot speak. They have eyes, but they cannot see.  They have ears, but they cannot hear. They have noses, but they cannot smell. They have hands, but they cannot feel. They have feet, but they cannot walk. No sounds come from their throats.  People who make idols will be like them, and so will those who trust them.  Family of Israel, trust the Lord; he is your helper and your protection." Psalm 115:1-9

I keep reflecting on how amazing it is that God does the impossible.  My beta levels quadrupled meaning the pregnancy is progressing.  I believe the doctor was a little shocked. He told me there is still a 5% chance the pregnancy could be tubal.  He also said, "I cannot say you are in the clear just yet."  My thought to his reply was, "You will never be able to say I am in the clear." I believe my fate, as well as this child's fate lies in the hands of someone much higher than man. God holds our future, therefore we will never be able to predict tomorrow.   Alan and I have been on a roller coaster since February.  First I had the procedure revealing complete blockage in both fallopian tubes. Then there was a lot of prayer, asking Him to draw near to us and heal me spiritually.  He has allowed spiritual growth and healing.  He has also given us a pregnancy in spite of what doctors believed was impossible.


We will go back on Monday for another sonogram.  We are hoping to see something this time.  Throughout this journey, Alan and I will continue to say God is good no matter what.  All things are for His glory and for our good.  Our hope must remain in God and our focus must stay fixed on the giver, not the gifts. Just receiving a positive pregnancy test is a miracle.  I really believed it would be impossible for me to conceive.    

“With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible”(Matthew 19:26)

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen (Ephesians 3:20-21)

Psalm 77:10-15

Then I thought, “To this I will appeal: the years when the Most High stretched out his right hand. I will remember the deeds of the LORD;  yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago and meditate on all your mighty deeds.” I will consider all your works Your ways, God, are holy. What god is as great as our God? You are the God who performs miracles; you display your power among the peoples. With your mighty arm you redeemed your people, the descendants of Jacob and Joseph.

Father,
Thank You for strengthening our faith.  Let our focus stay fixed on You.  You are able to move mountains.  I pray all fear would be removed from my thoughts.  I know You are able to remove these fears, so I ask that You would remove all fear that is within me.  I also pray, Alan and I would continue to desire and seek more of You.  In Jesus sweet name I pray, amen.


My thoughts are on the Cross where He laid down His life for us.  

Oh Your cross, it changes everything.  There my world begins again with You.  Oh Your cross, it's where my hope restarts.  A second chance is Heaven's heart! 

Shifting Our Focus To The Cross

"When we keep our focus on Jesus Christ, life's struggles diminish and our faith becomes stronger." 

I wrote on Saturday about a miracle that has happened, see Trusting Our Heavenly Father to read more.  On Friday a blood test confirmed I was pregnant and today we will find out what my Beta levels are doing.  I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous.  I have struggled with fear for as long as I can remember.  I have wanted a child since I was a child.  Playing with baby dolls was my favorite past time and I owned many little dolls.  Alan and I both adore children and our hearts are already pleading for the life of our child who cannot be seen using an ultrasound.  I cannot even think about the pregnancy without crying and fear beginning to rise up in me.  My eyes must stay fixed on the Lord and His goodness.  No matter what the end result, He loves us and will work this out for His glory and our good.  Keeping my thoughts on Him is a moment by moment battle.  My mind struggles against it, but He has commanded us to "fear not."

I am currently reading a book written by Charles Stanley titled, "Land-mines in the Path of a Believer."  I just completed a chapter on fear.  One section that really spoke to me was when he wrote of Joseph, Daniel, Paul, and David.  Each of these men faced trials, but they did not let fear conquer them.  Each of their stories touches my heart, but Daniels story reached deeper into my heart.  Maybe Daniel's story reached a different level in my heart, because I can picture the lion so vividly.  It frightens me just thinking of facing a lion that could devour me in a split second.  Stanley stated, "Daniel emerged unscathed from the lion's den because he had spent the night praying to God for protection and deliverance.  He was focused only on the Lord and not on the lions that tracked his every move with their eyes."  Daniel went straight to prayer!  It was that simple, yet I make it extremely difficult. 

Lord I come to You pleading that You will allow Your peace to penetrate my body and my husband's body. We do desire a child, but we desire You more.  We desire an intimate relationship with You.  My mind must stay on the sacrifice that was made on the cross.   This is the time of year we celebrate the resurrection.  Setting our minds on You and what You did at the cross does seem easier at this time of year, but I pray it will continue to be a discipline of ours year round.  We are trusting You.  Yes, we are afraid, but we know we are not walking this alone.  We are asking that the Beta levels rise and this baby be formed.  We are asking for a full term pregnancy and a child to raise in Your ways.  Our thoughts are not the same as Your thoughts and Your ways are much more perfect than ours.  We will trust You and follow You no matter what.  Jesus we thank You for giving Your life so that we may have life.  You are our King!  It is in Your name I pray, amen.

From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe. I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings (Psalm 61).

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. “All who rage against you will surely be ashamed and disgraced; those who oppose you will be as nothing and perish. Though you search for your enemies, you will not find them. Those who wage war against you will be as nothing at all. For I am the LORD your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you (Isaiah 41:10-13). 

 The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever (Psalm 23). 

The Glory That's Unsurpassed by Oswald Chambers