Before the Throne

Before the throne of God above
I have a strong and perfect plea
A great High Priest whose name is love
Who ever lives and pleads for me
My name is graven on His hands
My name is written on His heart
I know that while in heav’n He stands
No tongue can bid me thence depart
No tongue can bid me thence depart

When Satan tempts me to despair
And tells me of the guilt within
Upward I look and see Him there
Who made an end of all my sin
Because the sinless Savior died
My sinful soul is counted free
For God the Just is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me
To look on Him and pardon me

Behold Him there, the risen Lamb
My perfect, spotless Righteousness
The great unchangeable I AM
The King of glory and of grace
One with Himself, I cannot die
My soul is purchased by His blood
My life is hid with Christ on high
With Christ my Savior and my God
With Christ my Savior and my God

I can imagine my paw paw speaking these words now.  These words are engraved on my heart as well.  I am a wretched sinner who is saved only by the grace of a Mighty God, but the Son has set me free and he calls me His own!  As I stood in worship the day after my paw paw passed away, these lyrics struck my heart in a completely new way. I can imagine him standing before the throne of God and saying, "I am not worthy." Fighting to accept the gift, because of all of his past mistakes.  To which I would say, "Well, none of us are worthy."  I can see him standing there and falling at the feet of our precious Savior. Crying out, "Oh Jesus! Precious Jesus! Thank You for the cross! Thank You for the scars! Thank You for being my spotless Lamb!"

See, I question my own salvation from time to time. I know I shouldn't, but the thought of Hell scares me and I don't think the fear of going to Hell is a bad thing.  I want to be in Heaven with my Great Father. The Great I Am. I want it more than anything in this world, but I know I don't deserve it.  I allow the enemy of this world to convince me of that from time to time.  The enemy would have us stay there and sit a while.  Our actions will eventually reflect the way we see ourselves.  Free or slaves.  We are free if we have been made free in Christ and it's dangerous to believe otherwise. As we drove to see my lifeless paw paw on saturday, tears streamed down my cheeks, and I asked God to show me if paw paw was in heaven.  It was a scary question to me and I didn't know if there would be an answer. With or without an answer, I would have been okay.  However, I believe He did answer me.  At 12 pm, they strolled paw paw's lifeless body past our family. At 12 pm the clock in maw maw's living area, a clock that I don't understand half the time, chimed so loudly that it could be heard from the carport.  As they strolled him past us, the clock chimed, "Amazing Grace."

Amazing Grace how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me! I can hear him sing those words.  Only our God could have orchestrated such beautiful timing.  I believe if we knew just how much God loved us, we would be in a state of mind that could only worship Him. We would be at a place that only desired to tell people about the goodness and greatness of our God and we would break free from a lot of bondage.

When I was a child I saw my paw paw as a perfect man.  Was he? No and none of us are. It's funny how death takes away a lot of the bad memories of our loved ones.  I remember things like learning to drive a car with him and he had a lot of patience with me. I remember him dancing to 50's music with me and watching hours of cartoons.  I outgrew the cartoons, but he never did.  He loved them and truly enjoyed watching them with his grandkids.  He was not perfect, but he was a good paw paw.  I do think if he could have been captivated by the love of Jesus that is surrounding us, he would have been different.  I also believe at some point in his life (maybe after his accident in a split second of a lucid moment, but I can't be sure) he gave his life to Christ.  I honestly believe he is now in a perfect state, worshiping a perfect God and if he could tell us one thing, it just might be, "Don't waste your time on your own desires, but let the desires of the world die and the desires of Christ live in you." Go and tell people of the goodness of Jesus and the freedom God gave us at the cross. Let the Holy Spirit be your guide and don't become swallowed up in the ways of the world. Jesus died on cross and shed his blood for us. Don't let his death be in vain.

When Satan tempts me to despair
And tells me of the guilt within
Upward I look and see Him there
Who made an end of all my sin
Because the sinless Savior died
My sinful soul is counted free
For God the Just is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me
To look on Him and pardon me

A little reminder

Landry has been sick on and off since Thanksgiving.  Starting Thursday of last week and continuing into this week has been extremely challenging.  Today I lost it.  When I got out of bed she was fussing and continued to fuss for most of the day.  We are all tired and I have grown weary.  She broke down over something simple and then I (the adult) broke down too!  I ended up holding her and we both cried until she fell asleep in my arms.  Thank God for His grace!  A child is so quick to forgive and forget.

After waking from her nap we went outside and enjoyed our 60+ degree weather.  Once we came back in, she ate a snack!  It was the first time she really wanted to eat, so hopefully she is getting better!  While eating we listened to music and the song written by Laurie, "Like Nothing Else," began to play.  I have written about this song before and once again it served as a reminder of God's grace and love.  It is such a beautiful song and when it was written I was struggling with a lot of depression.  I had just had the surgery for the endometriosis and having a child didn't seem possible.  We were being sent to an infertility specialist and I was in a low place.  I knew the only way to survive was to cling to God.  He sustained me in those dark times.  He sustains me still and I forget daily that He is constantly with me.

As the song played, I looked over at this child of mine and instantly had to kiss her.   A little over two years ago when the valley was so deep and I felt like no hope for a child was ever to be seen, I had no idea what God had in store.  I had no way of knowing that I soon would be blessed with a sweet baby girl.  Today was difficult, but I wouldn't trade it, because all the tears of today were shed with my little girl.

Every day she teaches me about God's grace, mercy, forgiveness, and much more.  I may have to write once a year about his song.

I will rest in Your arms
oh God of mercy
there's no one that I trust but
You to hold me
You are my everything
forever I will bless this pain  
for bringing me to You

The day we brought her home

One year

Two years

Father,
Time flies and I am thankful for Your many blessings!  When days are difficult, You are there.  When days are easy, You are there.  Thank You for new mercies that are new every day.  Thank You for sweet reminders and friends who can write wonderful music.  Thank You for giggles and tears.  Thank You for grace and mercy.  Thank You for using children to teach us.  Thank You for forgiveness.  Thank You for memories.

Baby Brady and Christmas

I didn't do a great job taking pictures for Christmas this year.  Landry was sick on Christmas day and the day after so we just didn't take many.  On December 19 we got a new baby!  Brady is such a sweet little baby and we are so glad he is here!

This was one excited big brother!  He has come a long way since he was born four years ago.  He is a little fighter.  Bryce loves his baby brother and he is also a great older cousin!

Grandpa and Bryce rushing to see baby Brady!

Landry felt great on Christmas Eve so we got a few pictures from that day!  We had a lot of fun building a pop tart house!  Who needs gingerbread?  Our house ended up falling apart, but it was fun to put together.

See how much fun she was having?!

Alan drew this when he was a little boy!  His mom had it framed for us and I was super excited about it!

Landry was able to take a few pictures on Christmas day!  She got a pony from Mae Mae and Grandpa that stole her heart!

She wasn't happy about this picture, but it had to happen!  Sorry baby girl!

Hannah and I made our Memommy's butter cake.  It was good, but it just can't compare to the one she would make for us every birthday!  This cake takes a lot of work and she made it anytime we asked.

She finally started feeling better!

This little girl had eight Christmas parties plus gifts from mom and dad!  I'm a little sad that I didn't get pictures of what she had under the tree on Christmas day.  It was kind of pitiful, because on that day she just wanted to snuggle and forget about the gifts.  I am so thankful she is better!  The first gift she opened at my moms was the sweetest!  It was probably one of the cheapest and my mom really got it as a little something extra, but Landry was so excited!  She was so appreciative of the first few gifts.  After opening gifts for almost eight straight days a change was evident!  She just wanted more and a week later she still asked "open present?"  We are just recovering from all the spoiling that occurred, but it was fun!  

I posted some other BIG gifts on instagram that were given to her this past Christmas.  She now has a unicorn from Pops and Maimes that I can ride!  She wasn't so sure about it at first, but she has warmed up to it!  She likes when someone is on it with her!  Her Missy and Papa gave her a keyboard that she loves! Grandpa and Mae Mae gave her a leapster computer that rarely leaves her side.  Out of everything I still think the very first thing she opened, which was a little cell phone from my mom, has been her favorite toy!  She sleeps with it!  No kidding!  She sleeps with the phone!  It doesn't make noise or do anything fancy, but she loves it!  I love how the simple things in life can bring so much joy!   

Landry's first sleepover with Cal Bug!

I have been wanting Landry to have a friend over for a while now.  It's been difficult because I haven't felt well, but the Lord has given me a couple  of weeks free of sickness.  Callie was the first girl to stay the night with Landry!  She was the PERFECT guest!  The girls both had so much fun!  Landry had to have some lessons in sharing her things and Cal did a great job teaching her how to share.

Callie loved the kitchen!  Both girls played with the kitchen for a while!  When we are home alone, Landry doesn't like to be in her room.  She likes being with mommy or daddy.  When Callie was over, she followed Callie!

Landry had two balloons from her birthday and the girls loved trying to jump high enough to grab the balloons.

We can't wait for our Callie bug to come back and stay!  She really was the perfect guest!  She makes us laugh and always has something fun to say!  We love you Callie!

Decorating the Christmas Tree 2014

Decorating for Christmas was more fun this year! Alan and I had extra help and a whole new level of excitement! 

We still haven't finished, but we are super close!

One of the traditions we started the year we got married was drinking hot chocolate, listening to Christmas music, and watching Polar Express on the night we decorate the tree.  The truth is, we only were able to get the hot chocolate down and tree up in one night.  Everything else had to wait, because poor Alan hurt his back.  Landry had to drink her hot chocolate out of a small cup and she only got a little taste.  It kind of looks nasty in this picture, but I assure you it wasn't.

She enjoyed her hot chocolate! 

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

One Big Family Christmas

One of my favorite times of year is getting together with my big family.  My dad comes from a family of eight children and there are eighteen of us grands!  I have lost count of the greats.  This was our first year getting together without my grandmother.  She was very missed and it would have warmed her heart to know many of us still met together to celebrate Christmas this year.  I remember her saying she didn't want us to stop getting together after she passed.  My heart aches to see her again. 

Jennifer, Abbi, Grace, and Jude!

Jen and Alan swear they are the "outsiders" and are always huddled in a corner together during our get togethers.  This is NOT true!  My Jenny is the most outgoing person I know so she is definitely mingling with others and Alan, well who doesn't love his smile?

Jenny and Cali

Sadie and Rylie are growing up so fast!

Our oldest cousin Jennifer is a special person!  She read the story of Jesus and his birth.  During certain points of the story she had her oldest daughter, Abbi, light a candle.  Everyone enjoyed the story.

 After she finished she asked if any of the kids wanted to pray.  Cami and Sadie both jumped at the chance to praise Jesus.

Landry was given three puzzles. Each had 27 pieces!  It made her smile so we will put it up until she is four and can actually attempt putting the pieces together.  She will be excited all over again!

 The traditional brother/sister picture.  Aunt Rowena and Uncle Greg couldn't make it this year.  They were very missed!

We were missing a lot of people in this picture.  Yes, I said missing people!  There are a lot of us and I wish we could get together more often! It is always fun seeing everyone.

My baby sisters!

Sarah-Beth will be having her baby December 19, if not before.  Our grandmother passed away on December 19 last year.  SB was a little afraid of having her c-section on that day, but our grandmother loved babies.  No matter what the circumstances were, she loved babies.  I believe she would want the baby to be born on that day, because Memommy wants us rejoicing and when she saw a baby that woman's face LIT up!  I wish she could meet Brady and my new baby, Briley.  She always wanted to see me have a baby.  She lived to see it with Landry and almost a year after Memommy was taken home, I'll be having another baby.  She would cry tears of joy all over again.   

This man is a blessing!

My sweet baby girl!  She is growing so quickly and she makes life so sweet!  Each time I look at her, I am reminded of God's love.